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BlackEagle5374

Catching up with my Train of Thoughts

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Emotions

Emotions are so complicated and vast that no book would be able to contain them all.

Why choose just one?

In the recent year, I’ve started to take up coding classes, learning to code in C++. I also dipped my foot in Mandarin and also in Calculus II.

One question I get a lot from friends is that “Why can’t you choose one thing to do? Why do you want to do so many things?”

I usually laugh it off, saying that I can’t make up my mind. However, being the kind who likes to customize and design everything I get my hands on, maybe the unconscious reason is so that I can come up with an idea to combine what it is that I can and turn it into a job just for me.

I can draw, I like to code using HTML, I also like to teach, and I have a knack for math (but not accounting). In a world that rewards individualism, why should I restrict myself to do just one when I have the resources to create my own job?

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Too much!

Ever find that you bought way too much stuff? Or that you want everything possible? And then the moment when you can’t find the one thing among the many many things that you already have?

Hi world, it’s been a while, hasn’t it? Since the last post, I’ve been spending a good portion of my time looking and searching for very specific things in very broad areas. I often found myself complaining that I can’t find anything, yet I don’t think to take a moment and actually organise things. I have a Google Account, Microsoft, Trello, Dropbox, Canva, Adobe…. I’ve got way too much stuff!

That’s when I remembered the podcast episode Simply Happy from NPR TED Radio hour. The host, Guy, talked to the founder of founder of LifeEdited, Graham Hill. In the interview, they talked a lot about minimalistic thinking – the kind of thinking where you keep what you need, not what you want, and for everything to have more than one purpose.

Then, I thought of a plan to do over the summer. While I don’t have the budget to build/buy a tiny house, I can definitely start on the minimalistic thinking with my lifestyle.

I’ll go through everything I have and sort through what can be deleted/archived and unsubscribed from. Hopefully, it’ll relieve a little stress and just make me a little bit happier.

Stumbling, but progressing forward

It’s been only been a few months since I’ve been an executive of a Member Association. At first, I was terrified of the position and its responsibilities. I found myself scrambling around to find out how to do things and what things to do. Since the association was so small, I also found myself hosting events, talking to people I had never seen before.

And yet, as I sit here looking at the amount of people who came for an event that I organised & am hosting, I feel odd. Could it be happiness? Pride? Maybe after all of the efforts, the hardships and the confusion, for there to be people who are excited to come and to have smiles on their faces.. it seems like the best part of today

You are the fruit that I hope to grow

Ever have someone who has these hopes and/or dreams of which they want you to achieve?

For a lot of people, the first two people to come to mind might be their parents. I’m not sure to say that I’m lucky in that my parents never had a specific plan for what I was to do.

Funny enough, that wasn’t who said the quote in the title. I had just joined a club that was close to being shut down. I had recently started to get involved, talking about ideas that I had for the future to promote the club and that’s when I started to attract the club president’s attention (he was graduating next semester). He started frequently telling me all of these hopes for the new members to grow the club and make it bigger than it had ever been, for it to flourish.

In any other situation, I might be excited because it did sound interesting. Yet, I had that feeling of dread, as though I know that I wouldn’t be able to achieve those big dreams of his.

When I say “join”, I meant that I had recently become one of their executive members, which meant that I had gotten my very first managing position. Upon reading the bylaws, which was required when running to be an executive, I found that there was a lot that I needed to do:

  • Social media advertising (don’t know means),
  • Updating members electronically (can’t type a normal email), and
  • Manage the club’s website (this is the only thing I can improvise on)

… Can I do this?! Will I be able to grow a tree successfully? Or will it wither back into the whole I buried it in?

Those were the questions that popped in my head when I got the position (and they like to come back every once in a while). Several months later, I find myself taking an online marketing course and occasionally updating the website, slowly adapting to the drastic changes in my life.

Many of my friends who’ve heard about it are always eager to hear how it’s going and always seem more than happy to lend a hand or another head every once in a while. As a result, I’m finding ways and people to help me grow the tree and even spread its roots a little further.

That’s not to say that I’m perfectly adapted – I’m finding myself using it as a means of distraction from homework (get away from me, monkey!) – but I’m getting better at it. Sorry, ex-prez. It might be a while before you see my tree blossom, but with everyone’s help

There’s something in the Wifi…

Looking at my phone and thinking about how upset I would be without wifi, I suddenly found myself thinking – how did I survive high school without Wifi? Did everyone in school have data? Back in my day (couldn’t resist), the wifi was restricted for staff while the students either went without or used their data.

Luckily, it’s not like the Whoniverse, where a superintelligence is hungry for consciousnesses and is pirating them when they connect to specific wireless networks. But that’s not to say that the network is completely safe or that there isn’t something that is targeting individuals at such an influential age.

But what is about wifi that makes is so addicting when you’re first introduced to it? It could be that it connects you to the rest of the world or that it means that you could play those games that require a constant connection. For adolescents, the former (connecting to the rest of the world) would probably be the main reason for really wanting wifi at school, according to all of those child psych classes I took (individuals around those ages tend to be influenced by others and seek somewhere to fit in).

What was the point of this posting? I have no idea, but I know that I found myself looking (rather desperately) for a network while walking around the outskirts of downtown Montreal and Jean Drapeau (I found out that there is barely any cell service and no wifi). Now, excuse while I silently freak out about having lost connection to the cafe’s network.

 

 

(internal scream, hair gets pulled out)

 

A death so close, yet so far

Ever go on with a day when you suddenly find that someone you recognized had passed? Or that it was someone you follow on social media? Or someone who was around your age?
In a world where anything and everything is shareable, the world seems to have gotten much smaller, yet when someone dies, there’s a certain disconnect and connect with that person.
Enter Christina Grimmie. Previous contestant of The Voice, she was incredibly popular on YouTube and often collaborated with other YouTube artists like Kurt Hugo Schneider, Sam Tsui and Mike Tompkins (which is where I first heard her voice). Being around my age, I admired her for her accomplishments and loved a lot of her music.
Then, when news spread that she had died on Saturday, I automatically disconnected, thinking that they were joking, but the posts kept popping up with fellow artists saying their condolences, News reports on TV making a 30 second mention of it..
She was gone. One day she was a growing music star and now she had been seen as a victim of gun violence or that she was too young to die. The connection would be that she was close to my age and I knew some of her work.
The point to this is that in this technology world, social media allows for connections to people in different parts of the world, but also a disconnect for not knowing them on person-to-person basis. Since the beginning of the year, many well-known individuals had died and for many of them, they had funerals where thousands attended. The attendees might not have known them personally, but those individuals were still deemed as an important part of their lives.
Rest in peace,Christina Grimmie. I will miss you for your music and for your ecstatic presence on social media.

Breathing underwater (+ Ranting)

The number one stressor in any level of school – PROCRASTINATION… and it’s always a constant battle.

Since CEGEP (College in Quebec), I usually tend to have a productive start of the semester, planning the parts of my assignments, doing bit by bit and getting it done well before the due date. *sigh* unfortunately, it all goes downhill around the midterms.

I swear it’s either that we have hidden assignments that the teachers bring to our attention at that point or they all plan to have additional assignments during the same timespan.

Rantings aside, constantly fighting procrastination is tiring, but the rewards are high. You get your assignments done ahead of schedule, leaving time to review them or to simply do other things while not feeling guilty. Of course, the behaviour of always doing that has its own name – PRECRASTINATION (because social scientists want nothing left unlabelled).

To make it as an analogy, procrastination is slowly decesending into the Mariana’s Trench to the point where there’s little to no oxygen while precrastination is rising in a hot air balloon to the point where you’re exiting the atmosphere and losing oxygen. From that view, there’s nothing to satisfy us humans, is there?

(Again, away with the ranting) In any case, if, like me, you find yourself drowing in the Mariana’s Trench (not literally), get out as quickly as you can and take a breath. After having spent ~15 minutes outside without a jacket & unplugged in -1C, I felt refreshed to start the next assignment among the many others due in the next 2 weeks.

May the odds be ever in our favour

To help yourself is to help others

Ever feel good after helping others? Know anyone who is almost always volunteering to help others in need? Ever help a friend in need? 

From Psychology and Anthropology, I learned that humans are social creatures, learning our survival skills from those around us. From experience, I often felt good after helping others, regardless of how small the act is. 

Something I hear a lot is that to help others is to help yourself. However, recently, I’ve started to think otherwise. 

In an environment like that of a university, they always encourage that students focus on helping themselves before helping others, hence why there’s so many resources to help students do well in their classes. 

I’ve started looking at creative alternatives to break my destructive habits. I started writing again, bought a colouring book (Doctor Who, of course), I got a stress ball (like Sherlock’s skull), and… I painted my nails blue (almost TARDIS-like). 

For every alternative that I’ve tried, I was already becoming scared before even starting, which made me hesitate in starting, but I went ahead. 

As a result, I’m not as afraid of not being perfect, I’m better able to manage my stress, I become aware of what I do I’m stress, and I don’t suppress my artistic side as much. 

Just like many of the articles said, the colouring book did help, just as every other method works. I still get stressed, as any other person, but I understand it better. By doing so, I’m better able to help others, which is what I always love to do. When people ask why I chose that method, I tell them that it allows for me to understand myself and, by extension, others around me. 

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