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BlackEagle5374

Catching up with my Train of Thoughts

Reality Check – tumbling and left behind

Hey guys, back here.

Last week, I had a breakdown where I cried for a good 3 hours. My mind was going in circles.

Over the past 2 years or so, I had stopped taking Omega-3 vitamins (they look like pills, but they weren’t). My grades were going down, I had stopped submitting my notes, and I had taken up on a lot of projects and responsibilities. Moreover, I had just submitted an application to transfer into Computer Science while all of this was happening.

My thoughts started to theorize that my falling grades were because of the lack of Omega 3 and that I couldn’t function without them, that I wasn’t as smart as everyone else. I started to blame myself for taking up too many things at once, that I was drowning in work and responsibilities.

Luckily, I had support nearby and calmed down after 3 hours. Then, I decided to go back on Omega 3 vitamins with the hopes that I can catch up. Around the same time, I had found some videos that covered ADHD, which may have contributed to the meltdown and led to some of the thoughts that went through my head.

How would/should I go about getting tested for ADHD if I’m taking omega-3 pills? I feel like I might be unconsciously imitating those who do have ADHD, but also feel that I can’t work in the same way as everyone else.

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Try to do something for 30 days

Ever try to get rid of a bad habit? Or try to create a good habit?

Right around the same time that TED Radio Hour posted their 100th episode “A Better You”, I started to challenge myself to break a bad habit for the month of June. In the episode, one of the speakers mentioned that changing a habit requires anywhere from 15 to 45 days. So far, it’s been 27 days *cue small cheer*. 

But I’ve found that trying more than one action at the same time, especially when both are bad habits, can be quite chaotic. I’ve found myself being extra extra conscious of everything and then find myself relapsing (breaking the streak) of the other action that I’m trying to adjust. 

Since it’s the end of June, I’m thinking of shifting my focus to the second bad habit that I’m trying to break since the first is not that much of an issue anymore (but I’ll still keep an eye out for it). 

To keep track of it, I’ve started using a small journal to track the days – a sticker for every good day, a sad face + crossed stickers for when I break the streak. Persistence is key!

Why choose just one?

In the recent year, I’ve started to take up coding classes, learning to code in C++. I also dipped my foot in Mandarin and also in Calculus II.

One question I get a lot from friends is that “Why can’t you choose one thing to do? Why do you want to do so many things?”

I usually laugh it off, saying that I can’t make up my mind. However, being the kind who likes to customize and design everything I get my hands on, maybe the unconscious reason is so that I can come up with an idea to combine what it is that I can and turn it into a job just for me.

I can draw, I like to code using HTML, I also like to teach, and I have a knack for math (but not accounting). In a world that rewards individualism, why should I restrict myself to do just one when I have the resources to create my own job?

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Too much!

Ever find that you bought way too much stuff? Or that you want everything possible? And then the moment when you can’t find the one thing among the many many things that you already have?

Hi world, it’s been a while, hasn’t it? Since the last post, I’ve been spending a good portion of my time looking and searching for very specific things in very broad areas. I often found myself complaining that I can’t find anything, yet I don’t think to take a moment and actually organise things. I have a Google Account, Microsoft, Trello, Dropbox, Canva, Adobe…. I’ve got way too much stuff!

That’s when I remembered the podcast episode Simply Happy from NPR TED Radio hour. The host, Guy, talked to the founder of founder of LifeEdited, Graham Hill. In the interview, they talked a lot about minimalistic thinking – the kind of thinking where you keep what you need, not what you want, and for everything to have more than one purpose.

Then, I thought of a plan to do over the summer. While I don’t have the budget to build/buy a tiny house, I can definitely start on the minimalistic thinking with my lifestyle.

I’ll go through everything I have and sort through what can be deleted/archived and unsubscribed from. Hopefully, it’ll relieve a little stress and just make me a little bit happier.

Are you an introvert/extrovert/ambivert? Do you know the difference? Does your personality follow the description to the letter? 

Recently, I found a video posted by a friend that described 10 traits among Ambiverts in terms of friendships. Knowing that a website classified me as an ambivert, it got me thinking – does the world have an obsession with organizing everything? 

Everyone’s different, we all know that, even twins (and controversial clones). And yet, science has found many ways to classify each individual – hair colour, interests, frequency of socializing (or lack of), ethnic background, etc. While it does provide a feeling of belonging in a group of people with similar traits, I find it creates a pressure to either follow the description, fit into the template closel or risk the possibility of being alienated from the rest. 

In the video that I mentioned before, it said that Ambiverts can change according to the environment and who they’re with (ie. they go with the flow). It made me think of an old friend who I had just met after not seeing him for a month. I was busy talking with another friend (Tyla) and I briefly introduced the two of them. My guy friend (who I don’t want to mention for the offchanve that he reads this) talked with me and joked about some old times before leaving for the day. 

Tyla, after having spoken to my guy friend for two minutes, told me that she obviously saw that he has a crush on me. What?!

(Excuse me while I freak out for a second). Both Tyla and I are ambiverts, so we’re used to by contacting each other for a long time, but what would that kind of trait mean for a couple? 

That’s where I want to trail off to in this post – how do you think the traits of introvert/extrovert/ambivert affect relationships? Depending on what sites you look at, introverts are usually described as a quiet listener while an extrovert is described as a doer more than a thinking. An Ambivert is someone who shifts from one to the other. 

While thinking about how these descriptions can affect your outlook (or inlook), remember this – science facts like these are based on controlled environment with willing individuals – what might have been accurate 10 years ago might not be valid today. 

Some sites say that everyone fits on the scale, somewhere between completely introverted or completely extroverted. As The Doctor, I would say it’s more like a wibbly-wobbly timely wimey … thing (ie. it’s a lot more than that). 

Happy 2017 (+New Year Resolution)

Happy New Year, Happy Valentines & Chinese New Year.

For 2017, I want to love myself more. I won’t promise to keep it up for the whole year, but I want to challenge myself to be more self-supportive as long as I can. I started with surpassing a week, then two and three weeks, which is my current record. I also want to be more patient with myself, to take a step back when I hit an obstacle instead of blaming myself.

One thing that I noticed was that I have a tendency a shifting the blame of the problem or to make it worse than is (The perks of having anxiety and being scattered-brain)

As I thought about how to write this, I scrapped 4 other versions before being satisfied with this.

I wish everyone good luck for 2017

Stumbling, but progressing forward

It’s been only been a few months since I’ve been an executive of a Member Association. At first, I was terrified of the position and its responsibilities. I found myself scrambling around to find out how to do things and what things to do. Since the association was so small, I also found myself hosting events, talking to people I had never seen before.

And yet, as I sit here looking at the amount of people who came for an event that I organised & am hosting, I feel odd. Could it be happiness? Pride? Maybe after all of the efforts, the hardships and the confusion, for there to be people who are excited to come and to have smiles on their faces.. it seems like the best part of today

You are the fruit that I hope to grow

Ever have someone who has these hopes and/or dreams of which they want you to achieve?

For a lot of people, the first two people to come to mind might be their parents. I’m not sure to say that I’m lucky in that my parents never had a specific plan for what I was to do.

Funny enough, that wasn’t who said the quote in the title. I had just joined a club that was close to being shut down. I had recently started to get involved, talking about ideas that I had for the future to promote the club and that’s when I started to attract the club president’s attention (he was graduating next semester). He started frequently telling me all of these hopes for the new members to grow the club and make it bigger than it had ever been, for it to flourish.

In any other situation, I might be excited because it did sound interesting. Yet, I had that feeling of dread, as though I know that I wouldn’t be able to achieve those big dreams of his.

When I say “join”, I meant that I had recently become one of their executive members, which meant that I had gotten my very first managing position. Upon reading the bylaws, which was required when running to be an executive, I found that there was a lot that I needed to do:

  • Social media advertising (don’t know means),
  • Updating members electronically (can’t type a normal email), and
  • Manage the club’s website (this is the only thing I can improvise on)

… Can I do this?! Will I be able to grow a tree successfully? Or will it wither back into the whole I buried it in?

Those were the questions that popped in my head when I got the position (and they like to come back every once in a while). Several months later, I find myself taking an online marketing course and occasionally updating the website, slowly adapting to the drastic changes in my life.

Many of my friends who’ve heard about it are always eager to hear how it’s going and always seem more than happy to lend a hand or another head every once in a while. As a result, I’m finding ways and people to help me grow the tree and even spread its roots a little further.

That’s not to say that I’m perfectly adapted – I’m finding myself using it as a means of distraction from homework (get away from me, monkey!) – but I’m getting better at it. Sorry, ex-prez. It might be a while before you see my tree blossom, but with everyone’s help

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